Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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