I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
