chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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