I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
