no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
