he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
