I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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