Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
