Me too!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
