I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
