glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
