If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would punch a child for taco bell
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
