I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
