I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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