Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
