I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
