Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
