yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
