That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
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