You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
