Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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