Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
