I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
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all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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