I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
