he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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