the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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