I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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