Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
