I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
