I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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