Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
