the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
