i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
