Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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