i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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