So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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