You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Bring me that man meat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
