I'll bet she douches with gravy.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
