I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
