If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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