Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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