Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
