Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
