I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
