And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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