i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
