I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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