After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
