I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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