Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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