Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
