we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
