Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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