worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
