it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My feet surprised me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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