Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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