bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he shaved USA in his pubs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
