That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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