i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize